The hardest months of my life…

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  • I don’t get very personal on here often but I received an e-mail last week and after I read through it I knew I had to be a little more open. The person had commented that my life looks so perfect. She wondered if my house was ever a mess or if I ever had bad days. When I read the words “perfect” I literally gasped. Ahh…  if only she knew how far from perfect my life is. I try to keep my blog uplifting and a “happy place” to visit with great pictures, crafts and recipes, but I promise… my life is far from perfect. No I don’t craft and bake cupcakes everyday. No my house isn’t always clean. Most days you can find me in jeans, a wicked shirt and a messy bun (who knows how long it’s been there). ;)

    Many of you don’t know this but blogging has actually become a FULL time job over the past year. Many of you also don’t know that it takes an average of 3-5 hours to craft one post by the time I create the project/ recipe, photograph it, edit the pictures, write the post and then promote the post. I work very hard at creating great posts for you and I realize my grammar isn’t always perfect either. It really is exhausting at times… but I love it! Once the kids are in bed (around 8pm) I work until about 1 am. I also put about 3 hours in during the day (during nap time and any free moment when the kids are playing well together).

    I feel that this blog has been a HUGE blessing to my family in so many ways and I only hope that it has helped a few of you. Over the past year my husband hasn’t lived at home for about six months out of the year… so I was pretty much a single mom. I started this blog initially because I was SO bored at night while he studied hours and hours every single night. My husband is in his last year of medical school and has been doing rotations all around the country. This past year was THE hardest year of my entire life. To all the single moms out there, you truly are my hero! You really are.

    The day my husband left I remember hugging him, bawling, not wanting to let go. I knew it would be hard… but I didn’t know how hard it would be. About two months into his rotations I started getting depressed. My kids are age 3 and 1 (at their busiest and most stubborn stages). Day after day they would ask where Daddy was. They didn’t understand why he wasn’t coming home at night and they took it out on me. I have never seen them act so bad. The worst was when they were sad or mad and would yell “DADDY’S GONE!” They both said it every single time. I would silently whisper… “I know!” It was especially hard on my son Carson. He just didn’t understand and was angry with him and didn’t want to talk to him when he called. However at every meal he made sure I saved a plate for Daddy. He wouldn’t take his plate until he knew there was a plate for his Dad. It was so sweet. He constantly asked about him and wondered when he was coming home to play with him.

    It was SO hard on me not having my best friend there with me. He was usually 3 hours ahead so when he finally got to call it was dinner and bath time. I let the kids talk to him, but it was such a crazy time of day that I never REALLY got to talk to him. Not only was this hard on me and the kids, but I know it was extremely difficult on my husband. He was working 100+ hours a week and on call pretty much every night. The field he is going into is extremely competitive and I know it is very stressful . I also know he missed us like crazy.

    When I met my husband he was working 12 hour night shifts 4 days a week, going to school full time (Bio-Chem major) and studying for the MCAT…so I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. I should of just ran away then (ha) but I couldn’t. I fell deeply in love with that man. He is the most loving and hardworking father /husband I could have asked for. I know these past few months have strengthened us as a family and I absolutely know I couldn’t have done it without my Savior. I remember one day feeling so overwhelmed. Emmalyn had spilled a bottle of nail polish right after Carson had poured out a bottle of glue on the carpet. A glass got broken, the kids were screaming, my house was a disaster, I had deadlines for different clients and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I literally burst into tears (which I never do in front of my kids) and I remember my sweet three year old telling me “mommy it will be okay. I love you.” At that moment I knew it would be okay and prayed to God for his help. I knew I couldn’t do this any longer by myself. After that I felt a huge burden lifted off of me and knew everything would be okay.

    Well gosh, why am I telling you all this? I don’t know. I guess I just want you guys to know that my life certainly isn’t perfect. The last few months my house has been so disorganized and my kids usually ate chicken nuggets for dinner because it just wasn’t worth the fight.

    PROOF ;)

    Remember my cute little blue night stand? It is now decorated by my three year old. He is always destroying something. If you’ve been a long time reader you may remember this post. It’s a good thing he is cute as can be.

    These frames have been sitting here for about six months just waiting for me to do something with them. There’s about a million other “unfinished” project around my house too.

    Oh and remember my vintage grey desk… it has been “glammed up” by my toddler as well. I think just about every piece of furniture  in my home has been at one time or another.

    Remember the pretty pictures of my kitchen? Well I can tell you that it looks like the picture above most days. Some of you on facebook said yours looks the same. I’m so glad I’m not alone! Since I don’t have a craft room, my kitchen table seems to be the best place. I guess it’s the true life of a crafter. LOL!

    Well friends I am happy to say that my husband FINALLY got home this weekend {happy dance} and we were SO excited to see him. He drove straight across the country (30+hours) with no stops so he could get home to us. He surprised the kids a day early and they haven’t spent a minute away from him since. It is so nice to have him home! We are enjoying him while he has a few days off and are SO happy he is done with his rotations. Now we just pray he gets a spot for residency.

    It’s funny how you don’t realize how much your husband does for you until they are gone. When my husband gets home each night he always plays with the kids while I make dinner. He also bathes the kids and get their pj’s on. That it his special time each night and I never realized how much of a blessing that really was. I also had never taken out the trash…ever. He never let me.The first few weeks he was gone I actually missed garbage day because I didn’t remember to take it out. He also did little things like replace the toilet paper and paper towels, help with laundry and dishes. But most of all the thing I missed most was just being with him. A simple hug at the end of the day made all the craziness of the day go away. It got so lonely every night with out him and I’m so glad I get to snuggle up to him tonight. I think I watched five different shows (the whole seasons) on Netflix while I worked at night so that it didn’t seem so lonely.

    With my husband gone I tried to keep myself  busy to pass the time by and it sort of worked, but I don’t recommend the craziness. I kept busy with the blog and posted 6-7 days a week on I Heart Nap Time, twice a week on Baby Center as well as posted on a few  other sites each month. I got an implant surgery and then had to get that same surgery again to get it taken out because it didn’t work (ARGH). I was that one percent chance. I also did two TV shows. I planned and co-hosted The Glitter Academy with over 100 guests. AND I wrote an e-book with one of my dearest friends (which will be launching THIS WEEKEND). It really was the craziest four months of my life and I didn’t get much sleep.

    I definitely couldn’t have done it without my mom. She lives about 45 minutes away, so we usually went out there on the weekends and slept over. She also helped me when I had to get both of my oral surgeries done. My MIL was also a huge help and watched the kids whenever I needed her to on the weekends. I’m so grateful for both of them. They also took the kids when I went back East to visit my husband for a couple days. I have such a hard time asking for help but I’m grateful for the people in my life that stepped in and were there for me. I have one friend in particular ( you know who you are ) who was a heaven sent angel.

     I know many of you are going through A LOT harder things in your life and that makes my heart hurt. I had to remind myself of this saying every day “The things you take for granted, someone else is praying for.” I know I will probably go through a lot harder things in life and I’m grateful that I am now a stronger person. God is good. He really is.

    If you’re still reading (hi mom!) thanks for sticking with me through these months. I know I have been terrible at getting to e-mails, comments and questions but I will slowly catch up. I really appreciate each one of you!

    Hugs- Jamielyn

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